Ridiculous Movie of the Day

Con Air.  That was crazy.

10 Great Movie Trailers

Thanks to the wonders of the internet, it is now possible to assemble a viewable list of the ten greatest movie trailers of all time.  The selection process is both arduous and ongoing; exhibits A-J represent the early favorites.  In no particular order and with no particular criteria, here are some of the finest examples of film previews.

A. The Maltese Falcon. Sydney Greenstreet sets the tone early, and the fabulous subtitles and Bogart-isms complete the piece.  Bonus points for old-timeyness and misleading studio hype.  Representing the best in 1940′s cinematic salesmanship.

B. The Planet of the Apes. At over three minutes long, the trailer for this 1968 classic manages to give away large portions of the plot, which seems unwise.  Then why is it on the list?  Because Planet of the Apes is a great movie, that’s why.  The narrator is typically blustering and overly loud, adding corniness to the proceedings.  The general artistry of the triple frames of Charlton Heston screaming in a holding cell also warrants bonus points.  Perhaps the finest feature of this trailer is the fact that it cuts to Heston halfway in for a lecture on philosophy and the artistry of the makeup department.  Who does that?  It’s fantastic.

C. 2001: A Space Odyssey.  The film doesn’t have much of a resolution, and the trailer doesn’t have much of a plot.  But in both cases, the level of artistry and aesthetic genius make 2001 worth every second.  Even the sound-mixing is fantastic.  Imagine this on a 50-foot screen for best effect.

D. Alien.  Because two years after Star Wars, the bar for realism in space was infinitely raised.  And because it’s scary as hell.

E. There Will Be Blood.  The trailer reproduces the two most important and fantastic things about the film: the music and Daniel Plainview’s voice.  Rarely does a trailer do a film justice like this.

F. Ascenseur pour l’échafaud, or Elevator to the Gallows.  Never mind that this is Rialto’s English trailer.  Hollywood should take a hint: less dialogue and more Miles Davis is never a bad idea.  The images in the second half of the trailer are great, even without fully hinting what the film is about.

G. Les Diaboliques.  Speaking of not knowing what the film is about… Les Diaboliques is truly one of the greatest mystery and suspense films of all time.  While you can probably pick up the genre from the five or six clips of household items and facial close-ups, you’d be hard-pressed to guess much more.  Bonus points for classic 50’s reviews.  And while I won’t reveal the ending, I will say that Les Diaboliques laid the blueprint for horror and suspense for decades to come—the influence is obvious in Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho.

H. Inglourious Basterds.  The level of deranged badassery is at 11.  It’s not even funny (except for the “dee-stroyed” part), but it makes me want to see Eli Roth kill Nazis.  Fantastic teaser.

I. The Usual Suspects.

J. Ju-On: The Grudge.  Do not make the mistake of confusing this film with any American adaptation.  Ju-On is, quite simply, a perfect horror film.  It’s not glossy; there is no gratuitous nudity, violence, or clichés.  It’s purely and completely frightening, and that is enough.  The trailer perfectly captures all this without succumbing to excess.

Turtles

Walton Ford

Hemingway

Full Circle

The saga that is Adam Morrison’s hair has completed the cycle.  The photo montage below was posted months ago but now accounts for the two most recent additions to Morrison’s repetoir of style.  The current look, a buzz with goatee, symbolizes a no-nonsense appoach to the game with a older, more wisened level of professionalism.

Hopefully he can find a way out of Charlotte (it looks as if he will before too long, anyway).  He’s too good for them.  On a team with the worst statistical offense in the league, Ammo’s defensive inadaquacy is hardly their most pressing issue.  He’s a scorer, and scorers need minutes to find their rhythm, something Morrison has yet to discover this season.

Lessons Learned From “Forensic Files”

1. Don’t leave fingerprints.
2. Don’t bleed at the crime scene.
3. When staging a robbery, make sure to break glass from the outside.
4. Don’t take out an insurance policy within five years of killing your victim.
5. Strangulation usually leaves bruises.
6. Make sure your alibi corresponds to the locations of your cellphone calls.
7. Surveillance cameras are everywhere.
8. If you plan on tying up a corpse, don’t leave the rest of the rope in your home or car.
9. Don’t keep a journal.
10. Delete your internet search history.  Better yet, just burn your computer.
11. Don’t leave footprints.
12. Don’t leave tire prints.
13. Don’t use your own gun.
14. Clean your clothes and gloves to remove gunpowder traces.
15. Don’t let your victim scratch or bite you.
16. Carpet fibers are everywhere.
17. Animal hair is everywhere.
18. Don’t return to the crime scene.
19. Don’t return to check on the body.
20. Don’t buy anything on the internet.
21. Don’t participate in chat rooms.